Snips – Thoughts from Jim

Or, Comparison: The Thief of Joy

All historical thinking involves tinkering with the lenses that shine the light of other days into our lives. ~ Richard F. Snow

We have been invited to a blog hop with the topic, Comparison; The Thief of Joy. We are linking this post  to the Comparison Blog Hop on Dangerous Linda and Everyday Gyaan.

Recently, looking for a picture to post with a quote on my website, I saw my dad standing beside a kayak – my kayak!  Only to realize that it was me, and not dad, I had developed the posture of standing just like him. IF, I had developed that stance, what other stuff was lurking that I was NOT seeing.

Bruce Lipton in his book, Spontaneous Evolution, writes that by the age of six, our unconscious mind and behaviors has already been programmed by our parents, teachers, babysitters, and the stories told us to respond a certain way. Part of that programming is comparing good vs. bad, beautiful vs. ugly, appropriate behavior vs. inappropriate behavior, chaos vs. peace, right vs. wrong, hot vs. cold to name a few common ones. We have been programmed to compare one thing to another from politics to diapers and look for safety in those comparisons with numbers. Kind of like calling in the marines to re-enforce our position, even if it is craziness, the more on our side, the more “right” we are.

We live and die by our stories. And we spend amazing amounts of money and pain/anguish to brand our story, change our story, and live our story. We are a story telling species; of myths with dragons turning into princesses, legends of mighty warriors sailing the seas, of sacred text with wisdom, laws, and stories of its people and journeys, ballads of mighty ships sinking at sea, poems of lost loves, and story tellers retelling their stories along with lacing stories of ancient times.

We are a meaning making species and the meaning we make becomes a part of our culture, belief systems, and life itself. There are winners and losers, of love lost and love won, battles fought and lost. The winners tell their stories because they won, and that story becomes the fabric of their land.  Spin doctors and elephant trainers trail through my mind as I contemplate this.

When a baby elephant is being trained, its leg is tied to a post with a very strong rope. No matter how hard, how often, or how long the baby elephant pulls, it is unable to break free or move the post. It soon learns that the weight of the rope around its leg is an all powerful unmoving force. When the elephant becomes an adult simply placing the rope around its leg causes the elephant to stay in its place as it has resigned itself to the all-powerfulness of the rope. Even though the elephant as an adult can move trees and uproot most any post, the mere weight around the leg secures the elephant in its place and renders it powerless.

Many of our stories have been around for millenniums, containing our truths, our beliefs, and our heritages. Woven into those stories are comparisons of every type known to man/woman. A friend saw the subject line, “Comparison; The Thief of Joy” and her 1^st comment was “Oh… SUCH a sad statement…”

In that light, I might ask, “Which stories and beliefs hold me in place, keeping me unconsciously tethered, dis-empowered, and thwarted from living my joy, my peace?”

And yet, it is not such a sad statement, for in that word “comparison” lies our survival, our sense of urgency, our sense of well being, and our “joy!” Without that comparison, we could not appreciate the moments of joy and sadness in our lives; farmers would not have a sense of urgency to gather in the crops before the storm’ or to seek shelter when the warning sirens blare, or Angie stands on the horn yelling to take cover. Just like Angie, our intuition raises red flags, warnings, while Spirit whispers of wiser choices to be made; the remembering of celebrations, community and joy from those events. Our whole lives are wrought with examples of the good, the bad, and the ugly.  We need to embrace the gifts in both good and the bad rather than choose only one.  For in both are gifts and opportunities to expand our thinking.

Comparison is not a thief of joy; it is a gift of awakening, of being aware, of remembering the possibilities that exist in each of us, the thought of creating a better life for ourselves, our families, and for generations to follow. And in that awakening we find that we are aware of the things that make us come alive, the fire in our bellies, the yearning of our soul to be who we are called to be. To be me and the chance to experience the joys, love, and being alive at this time.

I did a Thesaurus word search on comparison and this is what I found; Comparison means relationship; relationship means bond; bond means friendship; friendship means amity, amity means peace. In that comparing of comparison….we find peace…interesting. Can “joy” be far away?

What is stealing your joy? Maybe, just maybe, it is a ton of work around the house, a mortgage that forces you into a slavery to pay it, fancy cars, keeping up with the neighbors? Maybe downsizing, getting back to the basics, living smaller in harmony with nature is something to consider. Living in a tiny house, small home can give you the freedom to chase your dreams, pursue your passion, or just experience the joy of life.

I asked some close friends what they thought of the quote and here are their thoughts.

“Can you be in this world without comparison? Can you simply be and have no judgment? Comparison is certainly duality, but is duality joy? Joy – Peace – Love – is experience is moment of now – of no future thought – no past thought and no present thought. Any thought – ANY THOUGHT – is a judgment or comparison. Can you have a thought of Love – of Joy? No, only experience.” – Ron

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“Comparison, like many ideas and thought-processes, can be a double-edged sword.
On one hand, we look to people who embody qualities that we wish to embody in a greater way, and this reveals an aspiration within us, desire to experience more of a particular aspect of life. This is all well and good, and moves us towards a more complete experience of life.
Concurrently the act of comparison is accompanied by some underlying beliefs, beliefs that are often unconscious, and that undermine the very desire for more life that has been revealed.
When we say “I want to be like that”, we are also saying, consciously or unconsciously, “I don’t want to be like I am.”
We have lost sight of a much more important idea than comparison, and that is the idea of diversity, which is the nature of creation. We have forgotten that who we are, HOW we are, is exactly what we are created to be. Each person has unique gifts, gifts that cannot and will not be discovered and contributed to the world by trying to be like someone else. They must be discovered, uncovered perhaps, and shared in their own unique, individual way. There has never before been and never again will be the exact compilation of thoughts, ideas, experiences and talents that come together in each individual.
There will always be someone who has more, who is better at certain skills, who weighs less or knows more, but there will never again be another you. It is only by honoring our own individuality, celebrating what we each person brings that we will come to know our own gifts. And it is only by bringing those gifts, each in their own magnificently unique way, which we will create the kind of world that we are seeking to create.” – Rev Jeff

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“I think people can support or contribute to the feeling of “joy”, or they can discount, or discourage something that could reduce the feeling of “joy”, but I don’t have a sense that someone could actually “steal” joy….a feeling…..” – Shari

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“When I compare myself to others I always lose because I am doing my inside to their outside.  I know too much about me, or not enough.  Even when I think I’ve done better than the other guy I lose because I have to stay on top of it all the time and I can’t do that .  There will always be someone who is faster, smarter, better looking richer, cleverer, a better dancer, carpenter, lover, father, husband.  I just can’t win if I compare.”- Leif

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In much of my coaching work I focus on helping people hold two opposing truths in the same consideration. The word “and” is very pivotal to this work. Most of us are habituated into using the word “or” rather than “and”. Something can be both good AND bad. Useful AND not useful, Kind AND cruel. Holding paradox allows us to experience life outside of our limited ideas, opinions, perceptions, biases, etc. Truth changes when viewed in this light. Using the word “AND” broadens our world whereas the word “OR” often contracts it. – Stacy Kamala Waltman

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Taller, younger, thinner, smarter, richer, prettier…
more prestigious college, nicer car, bigger house, better looking husband…
smarter kids or impressive job…
The list could go on and on and on…
Nowadays, I’m so certain and sure…
Happy with what I have and all I am…
So…
There’s no need, really.
To compare.
No…
You be You…
and I’ll be Me…
Both of us, just as happy as we can be.
We are wonderfully and fearfully made. – Glory D